This post is inspired by the overwhelming incompetence of the public at large. For those of you that don’t know, Cas and I have been working on building a home in downtown Pensacola. The builder, the subs, the inspectors, the city workers, and everyone in between has been awful. I have no idea how these people put pants on correctly in the morning. I’m not quite sure how these people have, and keep jobs. Every person I have encountered in this process has been as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Cas has literally had to learn building codes, pull her own permits, and cover her ass with every step to get this project done. Hopefully, the certificate of occupancy will be obtained today, so we can tell everyone that has been working on this house to fuck off. The only plus side to all of this is that Cas and I have learned how to build a house ourselves, but I promise you, we will never go through this process again.
Almost done…
Speaking on incompetent, have I told you how bad I am at tinting windows? No, like, really awful. I’m pretty sure I have a to-scale replica of an elephants arteries in my rear view window. The purpose was to block out human/bear onlookers, so it’s fulfilling that goal. But she’s not winning any beauty contests. Regardless, it was better than spending $90 at the local tint shop. Every time Cas sees it, she’s like, “are you going to try and get those creases out?” And I have to answer with “fuck no, all I’m doing is permanently etching what appears to be special needs lighting bolts into my window, it’s fine how it is.”
Regardless of my own incompetence, I’m still chugging along to get on the road next week. I’m visiting one of my best friends (Fi Fi) in Austin, TX next weekend, and I’m extremely excited about it. I also am going to be visiting a Taco shop recommended by my office best friend, Bryan, called Torchy’s tacos. I got a campsite reserved in Big Bend for the week following, and will hopefully get to experience some hot springs while near the Mexico border.
I’m still taking recommendations as to where to go on the trip. Shout out to Andrew for hooking me up with a sweet spot near Flagstaff. Here’s to hoping the snow is gone in a month…
On top of everything else, predictions are now out for desert flower blooms to be in full gear while I’m in the Southwest (https://www.newsweek.com/super-bloom-2019-where-when-wildflower-california-arizona-1334521) This could either be amazing, or awful, depending on if there are a bunch more folks out and about. Don’t worry, you’ll hear all about it in a rambling blog format.
Last week on the job, I was lucky enough to find a wild chair! Thanks Megan 🙂
Photo from Panama City, credit to Ashley Warren, titled “Help us Uncle Trump.”
Getting pretty close to my leave date, which has been solidified for March 6th! I feel like I’ve traveled quite a bit through my soccer career, but that mostly entails hotel lobbies, crappy chain restaurants and soccer stadiums with a maximum of 6 people watching. It’s women’s soccer. I didn’t even want to watch the games I was playing in… Of course this is excluding our women’s national team. I’ll spend every last dollar I have bar hopping to watch them on screen.
Anyway, the picture above represents the Florida panhandle as best as my 33 years of experience can describe it. You’ve got some trees, ample parking, and a love for the color red. That’s not so say that there aren’t amazing places in Florida…. All I’m saying is that if you took all of the panhandle, threw it in the blender, and slung the sand/pine sap slush against a canvas, you would most likely get the above picture.
As far as trip prep has gone, I finally got the solar system up and running. A 100 watt flexible panel is glued to the roof of the camper, which leads to a battery charge controller, then to a 12V battery, then to a 1000W inverter. I have had to learn a shit load through this process. On the plus side, I’ve only electrocuted myself once so far. I’m calling it a win. PS if you ever are installing an inverter, you will get shocked. Apparently that’s normal? Why didn’t anyone tell me??
Battery and charge controller
Ok, it’s hard to make solar panels look good in photos
On top of prepping the truck, I’m trying to see important people before I leave town for the next 9 months. Todd came over from Panama City to hang out, and to help Cas and I with house work. We also went to Mobile, AL for Mardi Gras, and to hang out with my little sis and her husband John. Diana is almost done with Physicians Assistant school in Mobile, and will be moving to England before I return from this trip. Kinda sad, but also excited to have a new place to explore when I get back.
Todd fitting right in at the Blind Mule pub
Changing my power steering fluid
This parade was pretty random. We caught cheetos, ramen noodles, takis, and a crap load of plastic vampire teeth. Above is an obligatory vampire photo with the Pharaoh.
On top of all this, I’ve been taking everyone’s recommendations that have been coming in from this site. Nancy has already tried to get me lost on the Rio Grande…. And Marianne is trying to get me frostbite on the Salmon River. Any other suggestions will be added to the map if they aren’t too far out of the general path. Also, the trek back into the states from Canada has no time limit, so I’m more willing to meander through Montana, Wyoming, Utah, Colorado, etc…
Shocks, struts, and new tires are getting put on the Tundra today. Hopefully I’ll have a finished truck picture for y’all later!!
Alright! Finally got a route sort of set up. I’ll be adding your suggestions over time, so let me know if I’ve totally missed the boat on something. I’ll be keeping an updated map on the “join in” page, and not the blog. I’m taking suggestions if you think it should be housed somewhere else.
I don’t have timelines really, except I need to be in Anchorage, AK on June 17th. After that will be total meandering.
I figured I should get the story of Moab written out, as I figure I mention her enough. Below is how I recollect becoming a fur mother.
My awful assassin cat is a killing machine who is forever pissed to only be eight pounds. How did I obtain such an amazing, forever perturbed creature? Well, you have to start by having a friend who has a bleeding heart for all living things. Her true passion lays somewhere between pine snakes and pit bulls. I know, this doesn’t narrow it down much, but I honestly don’t know if you could pinpoint Kelli’s passion. It belongs with all animals, but especially with herps and abandoned dogs. PS she has 4 dogs to this day, all were rescued by her, or started as foster animals with her.
Where are your sunglasses Kelli??
So, one day, Kelli is helping a new employee train at Carter Tract, which is a parcel of the Econfina Creek Wildlife Management Area (WMA) near Panama City, FL. They stop the truck to look at something for work (gopher tortoise burrows? Who knows…), and 4 adorable tiny kittens run to them screaming their heads off. Some douche canoe has dropped kittens off in the middle of a hunting area to die. And this isn’t the first time this has happened… I feel like if you do this kind of despicable act, you should be dropped off in the Alaskan Wilderness and made to fend for your life with a toothpick and a short sleeve t-shirt that says “I’m an asshole.”
K-Dog with two of the four rescued kittens
Alright, so the four kittens are snatched up and brought into the truck. They are starving, biting at fingers for milk and food, with every rib showing. While the kittens are being corralled into loving arms, Kelli sneaks a glance at what she assumes is the mother cat. Slinking away through the palmetto, too scared to come to humans. Having to continue working, the adult cat is left. But not forgotten.
Getting back to the regional office, everyone comes out to see the kittens. One is immediately adopted by an employee who agrees to hold onto a second, and the remaining two come home with Kelli. I should also mention that it’s not great practice to bring “alligator food” into your work truck. But technically, this is exotic animal removal in the most humane way possible. If you don’t know about the impacts of outdoor and feral cats on wildlife, I implore you to google the American Bird Conservancy and go through their data. Cats not only are the leading reason for human caused bird population loss, but they impact every taxa of animal on this planet. 63 species of birds have gone extinct because of cats. 2.4 BILLION (you read that right, billion) birds die each year at the paws of cats. Alright I’m done, just saying, cats outside are killing our birds and herps.
So now two kittens are at Kelli’s house, but she knows momma cat is still out there in the woods. The next day, Kelli brings a have-a-heart trap out to where this cat was last seen. She brought the trap, but alas, had forgotten bait. So what is the next best option? Dig around in the work truck of course! What was found may seem gross to us, but that three day old hamburger would have to do the trick. The burger was crumpled up into bits leading into the trap, and viola! The feline hamburgler was captured!
The Hamburgler, with messed up nose from the metal trap
Here’s where it gets funny, Kelli brings what we think is momma cat home to her place to reintroduce her to the kittens. With video rolling, Kelli drops mom into the room with two kittens only to find that her own offspring have turned on her! As the tiny flea ridden kittens hiss at the “mom,” she slinks under the bed, visibly disappointed.
Now, we still think this is the mom. I mean, they look the same, were dropped off at the same location, and the adult cat is producing milk. We are pretty damn sure it’s mom. Regardless, as the kittens all become adopted by family and friends, Kelli and I face the truth that no one wants to adopt a feral adult cat that’s terrified of people. Finally, I cave, and decide to take this human-hating cat home.
She has fleas, ticks, ear mites, worms, literally anything you could imagine a cat to have that’s been dumped in the woods. I take her in and decide to give her a flea bath. I mean, I don’t want to get my place infested, plus she looks miserable. She barely has any strength to fight me as I start washing her down. The soap suds are died red with blood as the fleas slowly get washed away in the sink.
A few minutes in, feral cat has what I can only describe as a stroke. Her whole body tenses up, she shits everywhere, and eyes roll back in her head. I’m like, great. Now I have to dig a hole in the backyard and explain to Kelli I murdered this cat with soap. I try to prop her up multiple times, for her only to fall backwards like a stiff rag. After 30ish seconds of me trying to make this rigid thing stand, she snaps back to life. Like nothing happened. What a little shit, making me freak out. I towel her off, but my expectations of her making it through the night are nonexistent.
I decide to make her some personal space in the bathroom, with food, litter, water, and some dry towels to sleep on. I close the door, only to hear the most pitiful mew coming from her room. I open the room, and this feral cat, who I’m assuming will always be terrified of me, hops up on the bed! Like she owned the place!
First snuggles
After that night, I knew I had found my buddy, and decided to name her Moab. She looked desert-ish, and wild, plus she kind of looked like a bobcat. Hence Mother of All Bobcats (MoAB). It’s stupid, I know. After a few days of food and love, she started to look like a real cat!
First week home for my little bobcat
Well, the rest is history. I got her spayed, and documented her progression from underweight scaredy cat to very overweight cat, back down to normal weight normal scared cat. Her favorite things are playing fetch with a hair tie, and plotting my death. She also enjoys sitting on me and staring at my face for ungodly amounts of time. Her dislikes are new people, Odin (Cas’ dog), and men. Writing that out just now, I realize we are very much alike….
Anyway, here are some progression pics of Moab. This is long, and I don’t care. I love this stupid cat, and you should too. Also, Kelli, thank you for rescuing my best bud. I need to go to Cleveland…
Finally got a collar
Nose is looking rough still
Bay County Spay and Neuter program was super cheap. I got her sliced up, micro-chipped (said in Russian accent), and all her shots under $90. High on drugs and coned up for her protection and my amusement.
Three months in, looking pretty normal!
Ok, 6 months in and we’ve hit a fat stage. I don’t want to body shame her, so this is the only fat photo you get.
Being at home definitely has its perks. Dad got a cigar rolling kit for Christmas (from Cas), so we’ve been trying out our hand at rolling some of our own sticks. First one went pretty well! The whole process takes about 2-3 weeks, so we’ve been waiting until the moment was right to try these out.
Made my cigar with a pig tail, only because it’s way easier than making an end cap…
Other than hanging out with my dad, it has been constant prep for my trip. Greasing U-joints, Sanding and painting areas of exposed metal on the bumper and winch, and itemizing what emergency equipment/tools are going to be needed for my trip. It’s a fine line between weight and need, so trying to lose some of the extra pounds I’m carrying around. Like, I seriously had 4 Phillips head screwdrivers in my center console. How did they all congregate there? Where did they even come from? Why was it difficult to pick the best one to keep? Is this an intervention???
The next projects are going to be installing the solar panel, creating a box for the solar battery, and creating a breathing tube for my rear differential. On top of that, I need to figure out how I’m going to attach my gas cans to the roof rack, and mail a bottle of wine back to Panama City. #HurricaneMichaelforgottenwine
Attaching gas cans to the roof rack
Trying to make 3 cans work
On top of car things that need to continue to happen, I really need to keep working on my route. I’ve been working on a platform called RoadTrippers online, but I’m still skeptical of anything web related while I’m out in the boondocks and Canada. I suppose I’ll do an old fashion map with drawn lines…
Well, the past few weeks have been interesting. I got the winch welded, but it was not an easy job. The guy I took it to, Parker Welding in Pensacola, apparently did not know how difficult this job would be. Kudos to them, they stuck by their original price, even though it took three entire days to build. I’m really impressed with their quality of work, and would definitely use them again.
Welded bumper without paint or winch.
Once we got the bumper home, it needed to be painted right away to avoid rusting. I did an etching primer, then finished off with truck bed liner. The fumes gave me the best migraine ever, even with the garage door open. Loads of fun. More of the fun came when it was time to install the winch. I had my little sis, my dad, and my girlfriend helping hold the 200 pound bumper/winch combo up while I scrambled to get the twelve bolts lined up. Alas, I did not know that a section of the radiator needed to be removed for the winch and bumper to fit. I also found out that the control box would not fit nicely next to the winch body. Nothing a few more holes can’t fix. insert “that’s what she said” joke.
Trying to find all the damn hardware
Holding up the bumper, those smiles are fake
Once sufficient curse words were uttered, the bumper eventually lined up and I was able to get a few bolts started. After that, it took another 4 hours to tighten everything up, drill holes for the winch control box, and loosen/rearrange the fit of everything. I’m confident that I would pay a professional next time, as this was a bitch. But once she was on and fitted correctly, she purred like a kitten. And looked pretty sharp.
Installed, painted, and getting put under tension.
Once she was ready to try out, Cas and I traveled to Pine Log State Forest, and got everything tightened up. She should be good now for long term storage.
Pup and girlfriend selfie, while I was trying to not kill myself with a metal wire.
And that was it! I’ve been staying in the truck for the last week trying it out. Been going pretty well. A few pointers… Park on flat land. Actually, that’s it. The only point. But it’s important. So now, it’s three more days with my current job in Panama City, then it’s permanent move to Pensacola. At least until I leave March 4th.
Another day, another chance to try and prepare for my trip. Right now, I’ve been working on getting the truck additions wired up and functional. Installed a backup camera to the tailgate, and painted the running boards with some truck bed liner.
I’ve also got the bumper pieces that need to be welded at the shop. The guy seems to have lots of experience with these types of projects, but we’ll see what it looks like once it’s done. I tried to make the process easy for him by taking off the existing bumper, labeling everything and buying new hardware. Hopefully it goes smoothly! Up next will be painting the bumper, installing the winch, and setting up the solar powered system. I’m hoping to get all of that completed before heading back to Panama City next Monday.
So many bumper pieces…. Please ignore the awful 1980’s table cloth protecting my dad’s tile.
